October 15th

October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. It is recognized in all 50 states. At 7 pm your time please light a candle to honor babies lost to miscarriage or stillbirth and to honor families that have been affected by such tragedy. The "International Wave of Light" created by lighting a candle for one hour at 7pm in your timezone has spread to Canada and now across the world so our angels will never be forgotten. I think even though it has been almost two years since I suffered my loss, I am really just beginning the process of healing, and for this I thank God. For a long time I blamed myself, then after that, I blamed God. It was so hard to have to accept it, and then to have to tell family and friends. To be honest, a lot of people weren't very sensitive about it. I had to deal with a lot of comments which I didn't know how to answer but tried my best to speak up for myself and my child who I had lost.

Most people don't really know what to say, so they make something up on the spot or repeat old-fashioned sayings that don't really apply. I think that they feel the need to say something, and they want somehow to make it all better. While many of the stupid things that people will say to you upon learning you have lost a baby seem thoughtless and even cruel,I do realize that it is difficult to find the right thing to say to you. I knew I would be upset no matter what they say. I felt that this was ok and sometimes I would just walk away from the conversation which probably seemed rude, but I had to keep myself together.

These are just some of the comments I recieved and the replies I gave in return:

Comment: "This was probably a blessing in disguise."
Reply: "I don't see it that way; this is actually very hard for me."

Comment: "At least you weren't farther along."
Reply: "I think a baby is a baby no matter how big he or she is."

Comment: "Now you have an angel in heaven."
Reply: "Yes, but I'm sure I'd rather have a baby here."

Comment: "This was God's will."
Reply: "I don't think I or anyone really knows what God's will is exactly."

Comment: "Be glad you didn't get attached to it."
Reply: "Actually, we were quite attached to our little baby."

Comment: "Stop worrying. My cousin had four miscarriages and she had a baby just fine."
Reply: "I am very sorry for your cousin. I know how hard those four miscarriages must have been."

Comment: "If you stop thinking about it, you'll feel better."
Reply: "Actually, thinking about the baby is important to me."

Comment: "You can always have another one."
Reply: "Yes, but I still lost this one, and one child can never replace another."

Sometimes the best way to handle difficult people is to simply avoid them until you are up to it.

I feel as though God is starting to heal me. Before I was just so angry all the time, now I realize, I have just another Guardian Angel on my side :)


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