3 Years..

So, it's coming up on three years since I miscarried.It was the worst day of my life. I was so happy to be pregnant. My husband and I were out Christmas shopping when I started feeling really sick, and started bleeding alot. Nothing can describe sitting in the ER waiting to get blood test results back andd being taken into the ultrasound room to see the sad look on the nurses face. It's all a blur from there. I know I freaked out so bad they almost had to restrain me..and put medicine in my IV that put me out...I only remember waking up the next morning in bed, hoping it was all a dream. Needless to say, I'm not any closer to getting pregnant than I was after it happened. Being diagnosed with endometriosis last year was a major road block. After an appointment last week I was told that getting pregnant isn't going to happen for me without "help". Then I was put on birth control for a few months to see if it helps me with the pain I'm experiencing because of the endo. Most people think it's only during your period....it's not. I've been so discouraged lately. I always ask myself, why me? I get frusterated and angry when I see people who already have kids that they don't take care of, end up pregnant. People who aren't married, teenagers, people who get pregnant than complain their whole pregnancy about how miserable they are. It's all so unfair. I know, life is unfair and there are people in way more drastic and serious situations that I am..I guess I'm just selfish like that sometimes. God knows my heart, he knows how all I long for is to be a mother. He knows what it means to me to be able to create a life with my amazing husband...a little mixture of him and I that I know would be one amazing creature :)

So, we've decided that after my rounds of birth control..we're going into full force baby mode. We're being sent to the same fertility specialist..and now that they know my disease, they can treat me better as far as medications. We're moving forward with it, we're not going to give up after a few tries like last time. It's going to be our top priority. While it excites me beyond belief..I'm just praying so hard that it works for us. And I ask of our friends and family to join us in praying for a miracle baby :)

To the baby that I carried
But never saw your eyes
Or tell you how much I loved you
Or ever to hear your cries.

You will never be forgotten
The excitement we had for your coming.
When I realized I'd never hold you,
The feeling I had was numbing.
My angel baby is who you are.
My angel baby you'll always be.
Your loving memory will live in my heart
So you will always be right here with me.