This is just my little blog on lots of big things. I'm 27 and happily married to a darling man that I'm honored to call my husband. I've been diagnosed with Stage 4 Endometriosis which has put a damper on starting a family. So here you will read about my struggles with my health, infertility, my relationship with my husband, and most importantly..my relationship with God and how day by day he is guiding me in a life that I'm proud to live.
I'm so lucky to have such an amazing Dad. I don't really need one day out of the year to be thankful for him. I'm thankful for him everyday. I think almost everyday, I'm reminded sometimes in little ways, sometimes in big ways, just how much my Dad changed my life.
He may not have given me life, but he's made my life better in so many ways. So in a way, he did give me life.
I was five years old when my mom met him. I remember the first time I met him. He played with me a lot, I quoted probably every line from "The Little Mermaid", even brushed the "dinglehopper" through my hair, and showed off my PJ Sparkles doll that earlier that day I screamed bloody murder for in the store, it was an expensive doll that my mom couldn't afford, but I think out of embarrassment from all the looks she was getting, I got the doll. I remember jumping up and down on the couch and saying "Are you gonna marry us??". Aww. I think back to that little girl sometimes, and how much I wanted a real dad. I'm not going to sit here and bad mouth the biological dad (I don't even really like referring to him that way), but he in no way has been a good father figure. Drugs and alcohol have played a huge part in his life, as well as mental illness. So, I like to think that God sent my Dad to my mom and I, He knew we deserved so much better.
So on June 2, 1990, we became a family. I remember a lot about that day, but mostly how excited I was to have a Dad. Plus, I got an awesome bonus family. Grandparents, Aunts & Uncles..and A LOT of cousins! I had so many little girls my age to play with! Also, the next summer, I got a baby brother!
I hear stories about girls that grew up with either no father figure, or just no father at all and my heart really aches for them. I realize how different my life could have turned out, and I thank God for blessing me.
My Dad is hilarious, hard working, loving, compassionate, honest, handsome, and still so young at heart. Well, he's not old in the first place, but you know what I mean :) Not to mention, he served our country for over twenty years, and did a damn good job at it.
Thank you Dad, for everything you have done, and still continue to do for me. I love you more than you'll ever know.
We're only three days away from our second U2 concert! So surreal to me! I remember about 7 years ago, about a year before David and I started dating. We were both working at Harris Ranch. I heard him giving another employee a hard time because he had never heard a U2 song. (Weird, right?) I walked by and said "U2 is my favorite band, you need to be introduced to their music". David looked at me with lit up eyes. He said "You're favorite band is not U2!", I said "Yes it is, I swear! I've been listening to them since I was a kid, my mom loved them. We used to listen to their tapes all the time on my way to school". This is true. I have very vivid memories of hearing "With or Without You", "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For", and my personal favorite, "Pride" (a song that still brings me to tears to this day) in the car. She had the Joshua Tree album on cassette tapes, and we would rock out in her "Z" on the way to school. Thanks, mom :) Plus, hello..you're talking to an Irish girl here. It's in my blood. You can't be Irish and not worship U2, it's like in the rules or something :) I don't think he could believe it. Maybe because of my age at the time, I was still 19 I think. (YES, this was like over a year before we dated) After all, U2 is the biggest band in the world. No, seriously. Google it. Maybe it's where we live or something, but I've yet to meet another U2 fan. At least not the same kind of U2 fan I am anyway. It was something we bonded over, and we became closer friends after that.
When we started dating in 2005, we took alot of road trips. Mostly to the coast. Sometimes San Francisco, and quick trips to Disneyland. Always listening to U2 on the way and discussing their different songs and what they meant to us. I remember in November 2005 (about 2 weeks before he proposed actually), we took our first trip to Disneyland together. At the same time we were in Anaheim, U2 was performing at the Staples Center about 45 minutes away in Downtown Los Angeles. We had briefly looked at tickets. The only ones we could get were in the nosebleeds since they had been on sale for months I'm sure. We decided that if we were ever lucky enough to go we wanted to be as close as possible. So we spent a magical two and a half days at Disneyland instead, can't complain there. It was 4 years before they toured again, and we bought tickets the morning they went on sale in March 2009 for their concert at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena on October 25, 2009. I couldn't have been more stoked. My favorite, ok OUR favorite band..and we finally had tickets. I never really thought my dream of seeing them would come true. Especially of being lucky enough to see them with someone who appreciated them as much as I do and who would enjoy it as much as I would. They don't tour that often, so I tried to remain hopeful during those 4 years that it would someday happen.
Finally, that day in October arrived. We had General Admission tickets. Which means, you're on the floor, but it's first come, first serve. You want to be close, prepare on spending allllllll day in line. Which we did. Got there at around 4:30 am. Oh what a day it was. But totally worth it. As soon as U2 came out, I lost it. I couldn't believe I was in the same room with them. Even though I was surrounded by 95,000 other people too. I cried through the whole concert pretty much. I know, sounds lame. But that's how much they mean to me. I can't explain how much their songs means to me, how much it means to me that my husband and I share this love for them, how we bond over their songs, fell in love listening to their songs, and got to experience it together. We were so close, Bono and The Edge walked right past us many times as we were up against the catwalk part of the stage.I was tempted to try and touch his shoe, but didn't want to look like a psycho. Haha..I know you're already thinking I am. It was just an amazing night, despite the long wait, and the fiasco of when they opened the gates to get in and I almost got trampled on the way in. I definitely came out of that concert with major battle wounds. Not to mention a wicked sunburn. Yeah, this time we're bringing comfy chairs, umbrellas for shade, and a cooler of snacks.
There's one song in particular that is so important to myself and David. It's called Ultraviolet. U2 hasn't performed it on any of their tours since like, 1997 I think. When I looked up the setlist for that concert, I saw that it was on there and was so excited. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't a song they ever released as a single, so I figured it was a slim chance they would sing it. David told me that he used to listen to this song when we were first dating, and it reminded him so much of me. He struggled alot in the beginning of our relationship with insecurities, and if he was doing the right thing getting into a relationship while still healing over things that happened in his previous marriage. We had alot of long talks that would last sometimes until very early in the morning. I would just listen to him, and my heart would break because it seemed like he was struggling so much. He's struggled alot with his relationship with God. He knew he wanted to be with me so badly, but didn't know if his kids would be upset with him, or if God would be upset with him because he was in the middle of a divorce that he had tried so hard to make work for his children. I stood by him through all of it, trying to offer my advice. Telling him that what we had was so amazing, I think it would be a huge mistake to not give us a chance because we're so great together, plus I truly believe that God brought us together. But that story is for another blog post. One day he got in the car, took a trip to San Francisco, walked around all day and said he had a long talk with God. He says God told him that I was the one. That he was doing the right thing by being with me. After hearing this song on the drive back, he told me it made him realize that my love is "the light bulb hanging over his bed". That I was lighting his way, helping him accept that it was ok to be with me, it was ok for him to be happy, and that God wouldn't be angry at him for having a failed marriage. I really think he had a hard time believing that someone could love him so much. I know he had a hard time letting me in at first, and I kind of was the same way. I had been at work all day at Harris Ranch the day he was in SF, and had no idea he had taken this little trip. He called me that night after I got off, and asked me to come have dinner with him at his place. I was terrified thinking he was going to possibly end things, or say he needed time to think, something of that sort. But it was the total opposite. So of course..the rest is history :)
I posted a video of U2 performing this song at the concert we went to. My husband and I held each other during this song, and I just kept thinking how amazing that moment was. Here's to our next concert..and not that we need reminders of how we fell in love, or how much in love we are with each other..but it's amazing to experience with him. My husband, my best friend, my fellow U2 groupie :)
Sometimes i feel like i don't know Sometimes i feel like checkin' out I want to get it wrong Can't always be strong And love it won't be long...
Oh sugar, don't you cry Oh child, wipe the tears from your eyes You know i need you to be strong And the day is as dark as the night is long Feel like trash, you make me feel clean I'm in the black, can't see or be seen
Baby, baby, baby...light my way (alright now) Baby, baby, baby...light my way
You bury your treasure Where it can't be found But your love is like a secret That's been passed around There is a silence that comes to a house Where no one can sleep I guess it's the price of love I know it's not cheap
(oh, come on) Baby, baby, baby...light my way (oh, come on) Baby, baby, baby...light my way
I remember When we could sleep on stones Now we lie together In whispers and moans When i was all messed up And i had opera in my head Your love was a light bulb Hanging over my bed
Baby, baby, baby...light my way (oh, come on) Baby, baby, baby...light my way
Ultraviolet... [repeat 4 times]
Baby, baby, baby... Baby, baby, baby... Baby, baby, baby...light my way [repeat 3 times]
Baby, baby, baby...light my way
At our last concert. Exhausted, but still pretty gorgeous we are :)
Tomorrow will be one month since surgery. What a month it has been! I never expected my recovery to be this hard, but it can only get better from here, right? Let's hope so! It's definitely been the hardest recovery yet. Not that I'm like a surgery expert or anything, but this is my third one, and my second for endometriosis. The first one feels like a cinch compared to this. But then again, that one lasted an hour, and they basically just burned the endo off, which ended up being the worst thing for me. This one was four hours, they lasered off ALL the endo, cut the nerves to the uterus, resurfaced the uterus, a hysteroscopy to remove the pre-cancerous cells, and a D&C to totally clean out the cervix. Whew! Yeah, I'm a champ and you know it. :)
The incisions are healing beautifully I'm proud to say. The bleeding is still an issue, I'm not happy to say. The good thing about it, is that it stopped for a few days, and then my period started on time. As much as it sucks to be bleeding again, not to mention the horrible cramping because everything is still healing, it's good that my cycles weren't messed up, which they told me would probably happen. I love it when Dr's are wrong about that kind of stuff :) So, even though it sucks to be dealing with it again, it's good because this way I'll be able to chart my cycle and know when I'm ovulating and all that fun stuff. I was worried I would be out of whack for awhile and not be able to tell when all of that was going on. I'm pretty in sync with my body and can tell when I'm ovulating. But, being the control freak that I am, I'm stocked up on those fancy little ovulation tests so we can get this baby train moving.
I was able to have a nice date night with the hubby before my period started. We are huge sushi lovers and went to our favorite place in Fresno and ate way too much. But it had been awhile since we had sushi, so it was fun to go overboard a bit. We watched "The Hangover 2" afterwards and of course laughed our bootys off. We also bought a new couch! Yay! I'm so excited about the changes we're doing to our home, and my hubby is so cute doing all of it. He says he's "getting the house ready for our baby". Aww..he's the bestest. It was very exciting to pick out a couch, my first time ever! David already had a new couch when we got married and I moved in. Unfortunately it was very light colored, and microfiber. It had a good run, but it would only last so long with a family of four, plus a cat. Yeah, no animals allowed on the new one. We bought that spray so to keep them off so it can stay nice. Plus it's dark, so I don't want to be vaccuming hair everyday. We should be able to pick it up next week, so totally looking forward to putting my living room back together, and redecorating. I've already bought some cute stuff to hang on the walls.
We stayed the night at my mother in law's house Saturday night since we planned on doing our big grocery shopping Sunday afternoon. That didn't work out too well. I had been cramping off and on for the past few days, and Sunday it got pretty bad. We were out to lunch at Red Robin before heading to Winco, and it started getting so bad, we ended up leaving the restaurant and heading home. Not long after we got home, the flood gates opened and hasn't stopped since. I started getting scared again because the bleeding has just been so heavy, it doesn't seem normal to me. Plus, having anxiety doesn't help. I lay there and think "Omg, I'm going to hemorrhage to death". So far it hasn't yet, lol. David's been taking good care of me of course. My weight seems to be stuck around 100 ever since surgery. I was about 107 before, and the morning of surgery was right at 100. Ever since the highest I can get it up is 102. My appetite just isn't what it was. So, he's been making me eat lots of healthy stuff, and forcing me to drink those yucky (I mean..yummy) nutritional supplement drinks that they say tastes like a chocolate shake. Um, yeah right. In-n-Out would disagree I think. Along with taking tons of vitamins, hopefully I start to get my strength back, and gain a few pounds too.
Aren't we cute? Can I just add how PROUD I am of my man? He's lost like, 30 lbs since January. Work it!
I've always liked Gaga's songs, but never really understood her. But lately, during the promotion of her new album, I've seen her on a couple talk shows, GMA last week, she was super amazing. I've started enjoying her... I love everything she stands for. She knows she dresses crazy - but it's because she said she lives in the middle of the theatre world and reality all the time. More power to her. She encourages people, stands up against bullying, and accepts everyone! She talks about her personal struggles with learning to love and accept herself and wants her fans to do the same. To forget everything or everyone that has ever made us feel insuperior, or told us we weren't good enough, or weren't beautiful enough. She wants us to forget whatever painful past we might have, and move forward loving ourselves, and living for ourselves and only ourselves. Her interview on David Letterman made me laugh out loud. She's so witty and has no fear. Now I do understand her. She's living her life how she wants to, not caring what other people think and making fashion statements wherever she goes, no matter how out of this world they may be. She's a lover of NYC just like me, and the words she speaks about that amazing city are exactly what my heart feels.
Not to mention, I think she's beautiful..and has a rockin body.
I am... Someone who is always trying something new... Someone who is always homesick -- for my parents and baby brother. Someone who loves intensively and keeps the good moments in my heart. Someone who can't live without my family. Someone whose hobbies include photography, painting and seeing good movies.Someone who thanks God every morning when she wakes up that my husband is MY husband. He tells me he's never had someone show him so much love before..and I feel the same. (Well..aside from my parents, but it's a different kind of love :). He is my light in a world that can be very dark.
