3AM

I can't sleep. I just can't seem to get ahold on my anxiety & panic disorder issues, especially in a hard situation. My boss from the bank was killed in a motorcylce accident 2 weeks ago, and the funeral is tomorrow. I'm not sure how to pull myself together for it. I worked with her every day, all day for about 3 years. As of July of 2010 I was no longer able to work and have been on disability because of the toll that endometriosis has taken over my body, there's just no way I can work right now. So I haven't seen her in a few months. I ran into her at the grocery store back before Christmas and we talked for awhile. She gave me a hug and said to say strong and that she was praying for me. She had the most infectious laugh I've ever heard. She loved her husband and her two young sons more than anything in the world. She was fun to hang out with, she loved dancing and we had the best time at Marcy's (my best friend, and also my former co-worker at the bank) wedding in February of last year. We danced and laughed all night, and her husband and David spent alot of time talking. We later watched ourselves on the wedding video and had a big laugh at how funny we were dancing. I just can't believe she isn't here anymore. I've never had anyone close to me die before, and it's just so unfair that this happened to her. Her husband survived and I can't even imagine how he will get over this. They had a great marriage. After being married 20 years you could still tell they were crazy about eachother. I will forever miss that laugh, and my heart aches for her two sons. This type of things make me question my faith. What was the purpose of this happening? She should still be here.

Below is a picture of myself with some co-workers at Marcy's wedding last year. Carmen is the one in the animal print dress. We will always miss you, and I will always keep this night in my memory. God bless your husband and sons <3