Damn you, Facebook.

SI constantly feel the need to blog. I've always been the type of person who likes to write every little thing down, since I tend to hold back a little on the spoken word. I've always gotten my emotions out better through my writing. I feel like I "semi blog" on Facebook..I mean, I write statuses about things going on in my life, talk to friends and vent through IM chat with those close to me, and then I feel better. But I realize..there's family and friends who read my blog who aren't on Facebook and who I don't get to talk to as much as I would like. So, where should I start??

Last Monday I saw the Endometriosis Specialist. How would you feel if they scheduled a surgery after your first meeting with them? Weird, right? Kinda scary to know my case is that bad. But I can't tell you how much I already adore this Dr. I love my Ob/Gyn and all..but let's face it. Endometriosis isn't his specialty. He did the routine laprascopic procedure, burned out what pieces he could, put me on hormones and that was it. Dr. Taksa, I'll be seeing you hopefully in a few months, when those two perfect little pink lines appear on a pregnancy test :) But for now, this new Dr is what I need. He is so educated on Endometriosis, and is doing surgery on May 9th. Instead of burning the endo, he'll be using a laser, which is better for it. It doesn't cause it to spread to other areas which is believed that that's what happened in the last surgery since my symptoms have gotten extremely worse. He'll also be cutting nerves along the uterine wall, and resurfacing. Kinda scary, right? But, he's seen a huge amount of patients who have not only benefited from this surgery in a major way, but become pregnant quickly after. Now, I've come to realize..after my first surgery, I didn't ever have an open window to become pregnant. Here's the timeline:

Surgery was November 2009. Immediately after I was put on Danazol, a hormone to help the endometriosis from growing back again so quickly. Was on Danzol from Nov 2009-July 2010. So, maybe TMI here, but for my endo sisters that read my blog, you know that when you're at Stage 3 Endo, sex isn't exactly pleasant. So, my poor husband went from having a pretty active sex life (Sorry mom! And Aunt Suzie! lol), to pretty much maybe once or twice a month..and never while I was ovulating because it's a painful time of month for me. Then in November 2010 I was put on birth control to try and shrink the endometrial mass on my left ovary. Stopped taking it in January of this year. Now we're in March. See what I mean, no opening. I've spent alot of time getting discouraged "Why didn't I get pregnant after surgery, I thought it would happen?" Well..how am I supposed to get pregnant while taking Danzol which shuts down my ovaries, taking birth control, and barely having sex? So..with the rates of success from pain and achieving pregnancy after this procedure..Baby Van Ingen will hopefully be on his way very soon. Or her. :)

Not just getting pregnant excites me, getting my life back excites me. One thing that people who don't have Endometriosis don't realize (Please, people, research the disease, educate yourselves) is it's not just pain during my period. I'm in pain all the friggin' time! I've been told I possibly have Fibromyalgia as well, since 60-70 percent of women with Endo do, and I'm starting to believe it. I have very low energy levels, which was never the case with me. I'm constantly fatigued, nauseous, I have very low hemoglobin, my weight never seems to stay up, I have constant abdominal pain, not to mention horrible pain on the left side from the mass, back pain, even the bottom of my feet hurt.I won't even get into what it's like during my period..I'm literally bed ridden for five days. I never used to be like this. I used to actually love working. I crave going back to work. I crave being able to go on walks again with my husband without feeling like I'm gonna pass out. I crave being able to sleep normal hours and not wake up constantly because I'm in pain or because my anxiety levels are so high my mind won't shut off. So, we are praying this surgery is exactly what I need. To get back to myself..and to make a little mini me, and David :)