Is the word "Abnormal" ever a good thing?

Not a fun past week or so. Well..that's not saying much since most of my days the past couple of months haven't been very fun, due to chronic pain with the endometriosis. But, for about the past two weeks, I've been having excruciating pain on my left side. This is where the mass is growing on my ovary. Back in January, David had to take me to the ER because the pain got so bad I could barely walk and was vomiting. They did a pelvic ultrasound and found the mass was pretty large. So, last Wednesday I literally got no sleep. David was upset about it and called off of work. I finally fell asleep around six in the morning, and he called my specialists office at nine when they open. He told them what is going on, and they wanted me to come in the next day for a procedure. We assumed it would be something to do for the pain. Wrong. So Thursday we get in the room, and the nurse comes in and asks if I've ever had this test before..and I say "No, I'm not even sure what you guys are planning on doing today". She said that when they did the pelvic exam (The one that left me bedridden for three days afterwards..ick) three weeks ago, it showed abnormal cells in my cervix. Oh God. I immediately burst into tears and started hyperventilating. Yeah, I have anxiety and panic disorder on top of everything else.

So, she explained what the Dr would be doing. I saw her open up a plastic bag that had a huge tool in it. More tears. So, I got to spread my legs in those ever so comfortable stirrups (Sorry if it's TMI, but it's REAL, these ones look like they're made for an obese person..my whole leg fits in them and still has a ton of room, they had to stuff sheets in there so it would be semi-comfortable (Ha!), I guess. He had this huge microscope thing with a light, opened me up, and took a "pinch biopsy" of my cervix. Ouch. The sweet nurse stood there rubbing my leg while he was doing it, and my even sweeter husband held my head and ran his fingers through my hair, whispering how much he loves me and how strong I am in my ear. I was trying so hard to get to my happy place (Disneyland) in my head, but the classical music was coming through speakers in the room and was very overpowering. I had tears pouring out of my eyes, it was so uncomfortable and painful. So, after it was done, he explained that it was very minimal and will probably come back as inflammation. But if it's something more, he said they found it early. Of course my mind is racing. CANCER? Yeah, I always think the worst. I won't know the results until later in the week sometimes, and I'm so worried. The last thing I need is yet another set back. They're also going to try and get me in for surgery this week instead of waiting until May 9th, but I'm doubtful that will happen. Something would have to open up this week, as he's on vacation the week after, and my surgery is two weeks from today. Plus I still have to go for my pre-op on Thursday and do all the blood work, so I don't know how they would be able to do the blood work, get the results back and perform the surgery so quickly. I wish they could do it sooner, but I'd rather wait until my blood tests all come back just to be safe.

I'm so ready to not be in pain constantly. I know endometriosis never goes away, but I have a feeling this surgery will give me my life back, at least for a little while anyway. If we're able to get pregnant afterwards, then maybe I'll have years of no pain, since they say pregnancy is the best thing for it. Send baby dust my way! :)

I know I saw this alot, but my husband is amazing. He's my rock. He's there with me through everything, and is never insensitive about what I'm going through. I've read other women post on endometriosis boards about how their husbands are always frustrated with them, how they're insensitive, and I think "Man, I'm lucky". He tells me all the time how he wish he could take the pain away, that he'd rather him have it than me, that he can't wait until I get better. He even has baby fever! He talks about us having a baby all the time. He's so excited. Since December he's been on a diet, and lost close to 30 lbs because he wants to be in good shape, and be healthy for our baby. He's starting renovations on our house so it will be in tip top shape when we have a little one. He's even dragged me into baby stores lately, wanting to look at all the necessities, pricing everything, researching which are the best things to get..it's so adorable!! He's already an amazing dad, and I can't wait for us to raise a child together in our happy, loving home. I am truly blessed.

I have posted a song below, by Rob Thomas, an artist both David and I love. He wrote this song for his wife who not only suffers from endometriosis, but lupus as well. David introduced me to this particular song, as it's written from a husband's perspective about dealing with a wife who is ill. He says the song takes the words right out of his mouth, because it hurts him to see me hurting. I definitely relate to the song as well, the lyrics he wrote about the things his wife say really hit close to home. We heard this song after my appointment and we sat there and held eachother. It as such a great moment. Enjoy the song :)