Long time, no blog!

Gosh it's been forever! So much to write about! Birthday, A trip to Arizona, surgery..it's been crazy for the past two months it seems. So I'll have to divide it up in a few posts since I kind of need to get to bed soon as I have two appointments tomorrow. One is super early in Visalia, the other late in the afternoon in Fresno. I can't wait until we can move out of Coalinga and not be so far away from everything. I swear, even when I just have one appointment in Fresno it turns into an all day thing. Anyway, so I'll start with the most recent event. My surgery on December 2nd. I had a really hard time deciding if I should go through with it. Even though it was stressed to me numerous time about how "horrific" my left ovary was, and how I was in constant pain almost every day, a lot of times to the point I couldn't hardly get out of bed..I still couldn't bear the thought of not having two ovaries and doing something to decrease my chances of getting pregnant. I had a lot of talks with my cousins in Arizona who are like my sisters, my mom, my Aunt, a few of my friends, David and even my stepdaughter about how it was the right thing to do. I have to say, I have an amazing support system of family and friends, I am blessed to have them.

So, on last Friday, I went through with it. The surgery was scheduled for 1 pm..but I don't think I got wheeled back to the OR until about 3. Typical for afternoon surgeries I guess. Normally I'm the first one so it's always right on time. I have to say, this time was kind of nice. I didn't have to do the bowel prep the day before (WORST thing ever by the way), and didn't have to be to Clovis Community until 11 am, which meant I got to sleep in and just have kind of a relaxing morning. The surgery lasted about two and a half hours. The waking up from surgery was the worst experience I've had by far. I literally woke up screaming and crying from the pain. That's never happened before. The other times, I just wake up and already have enough pain meds in me to not be that uncomfortable and then they'll give me more once I wake up and eat a cracker and drink some juice. I felt like this time I didn't even have control over the screaming and crying. It was just coming out of me like the Excorcist or something, haha. They gave me a ton of stuff through the IV and finally it started to dull the pain. It took forever for them to let David back there. I pretty much always ask over and over for my husband and I could tell I was bugging this certain nurse but oh well, I need my sweet guy by my side.

I wasn't in recovery for as long as last time, I think because it was Friday and late in the evening they kind of rushed me out of there. I was in there for about three and a half hours I think. I even had some visitors! Our friends Kenny and Alicia drove over to sit with me in recovery which worked out good because David had to go take my prescriptions to be filled before the pharmacy closed so I wasn't alone when he left. Only bad thing is they make me laugh a lot so it kind of hurt. Alicia thinks I'm hilarious after surgery (She was at my first one) when I'm all hopped up on meds so she was totally enjoying all the weird things I was saying, and my attempt to steal one of the nurses Minnie Mouse pens. Another thing that was nice about this recovery was they left my catheter in for me to be able to use for the next two days. I have other issues with my bladder, aside from the endometriosis, which make it impossible to empty on it's own after anesthesia. It was terrible the last time because it was filling up so fast but I wasn't able to get any urine out. Talk about painful. Finally after cathing me twice, they left it in. So this time we made sure they didn't take it out after surgery and sent us home with all the stuff to empty and for David to remove it. We left the hospital around 9pm, and my boo stopped at Wasabi and got me sushi for dinner. Even after puking in the car ten minutes before, I was still hungry..haha. Luckily, I had started to feel sick while they were wheeling me out so they sent me with two puke bags just in case. I would be pissed if I puked in our new car. All the pain meds they had me on made my stomach pretty queasy, but I was fine once I puked. (Don't you love how detailed I am? hehe)

We stayed at my mother in laws house Friday and Saturday just because we like to be close to the hospital if there's any complications. Those first two nights were the worst with pain and I had a hard time getting a full nights sleep. But I am doing better now. Still pretty sore. I have four incisions, and two little holes that look like drill holes. I don't know what they did through them, I've never had those kind before so I'll have to ask tomorrow at my post op. They're healing great though. I also started my period on Saturday which surprised me. It's been a bad one, but hey, aren't they all? Lots of cramping and heavy bleeding, but honestly, I'm actually glad it came. I was worried my cycles would get all out of whack with the removal of the left ovary. So, I'm hoping they stay on track. My Dr told David when he came out to talk to him after surgery that the left side was very bad, and he's glad I decided to do it because there was nothing else left he could've done for me to fix it. The right side looks perfect, and they only found a few spots of endometriosis which they lasered out. Last May I was totally covered in it. So it's very encouraging to hear that as of right now, I don't have endometriosis to prevent me from getting pregnant. I mean, yes I have the disease, and yes it always grows back, but right now I'm clear of it. He was very confident that I will be able to get pregnant fairly soon.

So, as soon as my period stops, and the soreness on my tummy goes away..it's serious baby making time :)))))

This may sound totally crazy, but I told David the other day, I feel like my ovary was like a demon or just something evil in my body that was doing more than causing intense pain. I can't really explain it, but I feel really different mentally since surgery. My mind just feel so much more clear. I feel more positive and upbeat. I feel more appreciative of things. I actually KNOW I will get pregnant where as before I was starting to give up. I was kind of miserable in more ways than one, and I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like this is a fresh start at everything. I attribute this not only to the surgery, but also I think God has a hand in it. It's not a secret that the past year or so I have kind of strayed. I feel him in my life right now so much more than I ever have, and I want to get back to having him in my life. I've also decided that in order to prepare for our future baby, I'm going to start taking steps to just be better and more mature about things. I want to be the person I'll be when I'm a mother. Which means I probably really need to stop cussing so much and maybe cutting a few trashy tv shows off my list. I want my child to grow up in a warm, nuturing and healthy home. My husband used to be really strict about these things when his kids were growing up. He has since changed a lot, I mean we still don't allow Rated R movies to be watched with them, or certain tv shows, but he knows he took things to the extreme and doesn't feel that extreme about it anymore.

I definitely don't want to take it that far..hey..I love my Friends reruns (and he even watches with me), my Real Housewives and Kardashians but those aren't really bad, and I wouldn't watch them with my kids anyway. But there are a few shows and movies that I won't be indulging in anymore. I just want to be a good role model for my child, I want them to stay innocent for as long as possible, and know the difference between good and bad. I know a lot of people talk crap about the Duggar Family, but I have to say, I totally admire them. The parents, and all of their kids are just so happy and such a strong and loving family. They have this amazing relationship with God and they trust that he will provide for them, and he has in so many amazing ways. They also give back in so many ways as well. Both David and I have said we would love to live that way. Not with the 19 kids..but you know what I mean :)

Anyway..I've totally rambled beyond my surgery here, but hey, that's what I do. Like I said, I feel in a way this is a second chance at so many things for me and I'm excited about it. Here's to 2012..and to soon to be Baby Van Ingen (Okay Mason, or Zooey..or Noelle) haha. Because yes..I know that he or she is coming. Soon.

Birthday & Arizona posts coming soon..