I learned today that April 22-28 is National Infertility Week. I think it's great that things like infertility and endometriosis are becoming more well known, and being supported. All of you know, infertility has been the greatest struggle of my life. It has brought me to my knees, it has made me cry myself to sleep, it has had me angry at God and questioning Him, it has caused stress in my marriage, and then caused me to rebuild my relationship with God which is now stronger than ever.
Being in my mid-twenties, I'm surrounded by friends who are either pregnant, or have kids, some even pregnant with second or thirds. I have seven female cousins all on my dad's side of the family who all have kids, some still adding to their families. I love being around all of my cousins and the kiddies, but I won't lie, it does make my heart hurt a little bit. Ok a lot. I'm not sure exactly why it is that I must go through such heartache. But I trust in God, that there is some sort of reasoning behind this struggle. Maybe some of it I have even started to learn. I definitely feel more positive about it. I don't feel as angry. I feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
But one thing I've always known for sure, is that I was born to be a mommy. My heart still aches and yearns for a baby so much, so you can imagine that our child will be my world. My child will know on a daily basis how loved they are, how long we waited for them and how worth it it was, how much God loves them and what a beautiful and precious creature they are.
To my future Baby Van Ingen,
I hope you have my green eyes and curly hair. I hope you have your daddy's long eyelashes and olive skin tone. I hope you have his sense of humor, and my sense of fashion. I hope you will know everyday that you are our world. That you are our little miracle from God. I hope we laugh together all of the time. I hope you are better than your mommy and Uncle Kyle at eating your veggies. I hope you love that I will read to you everynight until you are probably too old for it. I hope you let those stories take you away to far away places full of magic in your sweet dreams. I hope that you will never be afraid to share your hopes and dreams with me. I hope you learn to play an instrument, your dad is learning and he will teach you. I hope you have a close relationship with your grandparents. They will be so over the moon for you. I hope that you will play baseball with your Uncle, even if you are a girl, he would love to teach you, and I'll leave it up to you if you want to be a Giants fan or a Yankees fan. I hope that you will come to know the Lord and how much He loves you. I hope we can read the Bible together and talk about it afterwards. I hope that you share your father and I's love for Disneyland and we have so many memorable trips there. I can't wait to see how your eyes will light up the first time you experience the magic of my favorite place in the world. I hope it will be yours too, but if not, that's okay. I promise to buy you Mickey ears and stand in long lines to get a picture with your favorite character, even if it means chasing them down like your Grandma has been known to do. I hope you let it keep you a child at heart, and that you will never be too old to ride Peter Pan with me. I hope it's your favorite ride, just like it's mine. I hope you share our love for music and love all kinds of it. I plan on playing lots of it to you when you're in my belly :) I hope we dance together. I hope we have summers filled with swimming, blowing bubbles, playing in sprinklers, beach trips with sandcastles and you feeling ocean water on your little feet for the first time, and ice cream cones. I hope you believe in Santa for as long as I did, and that I make all of your Christmases magical. I hope that you love birthdays as much as I do. I plan on making all of them special because your birthday will be my favorite day. I hope that you make me lots of art work in school, and pick me flowers from the yard for Mother's Day..or any day. But most of all, I can't wait to see you for the first time. If I'm crying a lot, it's not because of the pain. It's because of how long your daddy and I have waited for you. How much I've gone through to finally bring you into the world, which by the way, I will never hold that over your head in a bad way, I just want you to know how much you are loved. It will be the best day of our lives. I hope in these next few months we will find out you are on your way. Really grab on tight when you get in there. I will make it a very comfy place for you, I promise :)
Love,
Your Future Mommy
If you know someone who struggles with infertility, try to be a little more sensitive about things you say. No, you don't need to walk on eggshells, just know they have an acheing heart and appreciate it when people show they care. Hopefully soon I will be able to say that I overcame infertility and my blog will be filled with lots of pictures and stories about our little one. Until then, we continue to pray for this child to come to us, and to give us the strength through this process.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
National Sibling Day
Well, I'm a week late posting about this, but who's counting. Did any of you know that April 10th was National Sibling Day? I did. Of course, I sent my brother a message wishing him a Happy Sibling Day but I felt it was only appropriate that I dedicate a blog to this day.
I can still remember the day my mom and dad told me I was going to be a big sister. I was six years old. They had just picked me up from gymnastics class, and in that tiny first apartment we lived in I was was showing them some new move I had learned. I can remember them telling me that my mom was going to have a baby. I was so excited. I knew immediately that I wanted a baby brother. I remember my little friends saying "You don't want a sister?". I don't really know why it was that I preferred a brother over a sister. Maybe because I tend to get along better with boys than girls, but back then I don't think I knew that. That's something I've come to realize as an adult haha. I waited and waited month by month in excitement for my new sibling to arrive.
One Tuesday night, while in my regular routine of watching Full House at 8 pm, I remember my mom making some noises every few minutes. I kept asking her if she was ok and she said yeah. I went into the bedroom where my dad was getting ready for work, he worked the night shift. I told him "I think something is wrong with mom". So of course we all headed to the hospital. Because I was only six of course I wasn't allowed in the room, and it was late so there weren't any family members there that could watch me. So I got to be super cool and sit behind the desk with the nurses. I'm sure my mom would disagree with this, but I swear we were only there for like an hour and I remember hearing her scream a few times (Sorry mom, hope that isn't TMI..but hey we all know how birthin' babies goes). Then my dad came out holding this tiny, precious little baby all bundled up and told me "Tiffy, this is your brother". I was in love instantly. From the time they brought him home, I never wanted to leave his side.
Even in the mornings when I had to get ready for school, I would brush my teeth in the living room so I could go and sit next to him on the couch. I loved having anything to do with helping with him. My mom said I was such a "Mother Hen". Being an only child for six years, I don't remember really being lonely. I did have a cousin who was a few years older than me that I spent a lot of time with, and I had friends. Of course my parents were very hands on and we spent a lot of time together. But I had always wished for a sibling.
Then came the years where he was a toddler and could interact with me more. We probably tortured my mom way too much and would then go run and hide from her. We built what we called "Disneyland Parades" out of giant lego blocks, and paraded them around the living room. We spent hours watching Peter Pan and We're Back: A Dinosaur Movie. We counted down the days until our dad was coming home off of cruise. We watched Rugrats and Doug and shared big bowls of popcorn. We colored.
Of course, there came the years where the age gap started to show. After all, what does a 14 year old want to do with an 8 year old? There were lots of fights, breaking of the other siblings belongings, bickering back and forth on car trips, and let's face it, I was older so I got blamed for most of it. It's funny though. Now I look back on these times and feel bad. Like maybe I should have spent more time with him. From the age of 16 when I started dating until about 20, I became very disconnected from my family. I was hardly ever home once I got my license. I was always with my boyfriend at the time and his family. I feel like I missed out on a lot. It's something I still regret so much. But hey, the past is the past and we've all grown closer since.
Especially my brother and I. He's now 20, and I'm 27. He's one of my best friends. We've done so much fun stuff together. Conan O'Brien, Blink 182 Concert, Baseball games, Movies, Wandering the streets of Hollywood, Making fun of our parents (Hey mom, all kids do it..it's out of love!)..and so much more. We text each other everyday. We come up with hilarious things. Some not so nice, some just pretty immature for our age.
When my Dad retired in 2010 and they had to relocate to Tucson, I was pretty heartbroken. Of course because my family was leaving after I had gotten so used to them being here. But I also lost my buddy.
I'm looking forward to a trip to Disneyland in September with my parents and brother. This is something I've been longing for years now. I want so badly to experience another trip like the ones we used to take when we were kids before our lives change drastically in the next few months and years. I think in a way it's kind of a goodbye to our childhood, as my brother will be moving on to a career in the Army and I (God willing) will be starting to raise a child of my own.
One thing that really touches me about my brother, is how excited he is to become an Uncle. I love that he talks about things he wants to do with my future child (He hopes it's a boy so he can teach him to play baseball) and how it's going to be so fun to be an Uncle. When I told him that we will be pursuing IVF, he said "That's awesome. I'm excited".
Our future baby is already so lucky, not only does it have two parents who are longing for their arrival, Grandparents who will be over the moon, but an Uncle who may not show his soft side to most..but I can already tell being an Uncle will bring that out of him.
I miss my brother and everything we used to do together. But I look forward to both of us starting new chapters in our lives. Him with his college and possibly a future in the Army, and me becoming a mother. But I know we'll always be "buddies".
I can still remember the day my mom and dad told me I was going to be a big sister. I was six years old. They had just picked me up from gymnastics class, and in that tiny first apartment we lived in I was was showing them some new move I had learned. I can remember them telling me that my mom was going to have a baby. I was so excited. I knew immediately that I wanted a baby brother. I remember my little friends saying "You don't want a sister?". I don't really know why it was that I preferred a brother over a sister. Maybe because I tend to get along better with boys than girls, but back then I don't think I knew that. That's something I've come to realize as an adult haha. I waited and waited month by month in excitement for my new sibling to arrive.
One Tuesday night, while in my regular routine of watching Full House at 8 pm, I remember my mom making some noises every few minutes. I kept asking her if she was ok and she said yeah. I went into the bedroom where my dad was getting ready for work, he worked the night shift. I told him "I think something is wrong with mom". So of course we all headed to the hospital. Because I was only six of course I wasn't allowed in the room, and it was late so there weren't any family members there that could watch me. So I got to be super cool and sit behind the desk with the nurses. I'm sure my mom would disagree with this, but I swear we were only there for like an hour and I remember hearing her scream a few times (Sorry mom, hope that isn't TMI..but hey we all know how birthin' babies goes). Then my dad came out holding this tiny, precious little baby all bundled up and told me "Tiffy, this is your brother". I was in love instantly. From the time they brought him home, I never wanted to leave his side.
Even in the mornings when I had to get ready for school, I would brush my teeth in the living room so I could go and sit next to him on the couch. I loved having anything to do with helping with him. My mom said I was such a "Mother Hen". Being an only child for six years, I don't remember really being lonely. I did have a cousin who was a few years older than me that I spent a lot of time with, and I had friends. Of course my parents were very hands on and we spent a lot of time together. But I had always wished for a sibling.
Then came the years where he was a toddler and could interact with me more. We probably tortured my mom way too much and would then go run and hide from her. We built what we called "Disneyland Parades" out of giant lego blocks, and paraded them around the living room. We spent hours watching Peter Pan and We're Back: A Dinosaur Movie. We counted down the days until our dad was coming home off of cruise. We watched Rugrats and Doug and shared big bowls of popcorn. We colored.
Of course, there came the years where the age gap started to show. After all, what does a 14 year old want to do with an 8 year old? There were lots of fights, breaking of the other siblings belongings, bickering back and forth on car trips, and let's face it, I was older so I got blamed for most of it. It's funny though. Now I look back on these times and feel bad. Like maybe I should have spent more time with him. From the age of 16 when I started dating until about 20, I became very disconnected from my family. I was hardly ever home once I got my license. I was always with my boyfriend at the time and his family. I feel like I missed out on a lot. It's something I still regret so much. But hey, the past is the past and we've all grown closer since.
Especially my brother and I. He's now 20, and I'm 27. He's one of my best friends. We've done so much fun stuff together. Conan O'Brien, Blink 182 Concert, Baseball games, Movies, Wandering the streets of Hollywood, Making fun of our parents (Hey mom, all kids do it..it's out of love!)..and so much more. We text each other everyday. We come up with hilarious things. Some not so nice, some just pretty immature for our age.
When my Dad retired in 2010 and they had to relocate to Tucson, I was pretty heartbroken. Of course because my family was leaving after I had gotten so used to them being here. But I also lost my buddy.
I'm looking forward to a trip to Disneyland in September with my parents and brother. This is something I've been longing for years now. I want so badly to experience another trip like the ones we used to take when we were kids before our lives change drastically in the next few months and years. I think in a way it's kind of a goodbye to our childhood, as my brother will be moving on to a career in the Army and I (God willing) will be starting to raise a child of my own.
One thing that really touches me about my brother, is how excited he is to become an Uncle. I love that he talks about things he wants to do with my future child (He hopes it's a boy so he can teach him to play baseball) and how it's going to be so fun to be an Uncle. When I told him that we will be pursuing IVF, he said "That's awesome. I'm excited".
Our future baby is already so lucky, not only does it have two parents who are longing for their arrival, Grandparents who will be over the moon, but an Uncle who may not show his soft side to most..but I can already tell being an Uncle will bring that out of him.
I miss my brother and everything we used to do together. But I look forward to both of us starting new chapters in our lives. Him with his college and possibly a future in the Army, and me becoming a mother. But I know we'll always be "buddies".
Disney Challenge #10
Disney Challenge #10: Favorite Song
Man! This is a toughie! Ask my husband or stepdaughter..I'm pretty much known for going around singing Disney tunes here and there. I've been bugging my husband forever to buy me this super expensive cd compilation of all the Disney songs. I don't think it's the price that bothers him..it's the having to listen to it part. There's just so many songs that I love, that I grew up loving. But, I'm going to have to go with a song from the first movie I can remember getting totally obsessed over. Of course I mentioned in an earlier post, Oliver & Company is the first Disney movie I remember seeing in the theater and I still adore it to this day (Sheesh, by now it's apparent I love them all. Except those lousy direct to dvd sequels. Ick) but I was 4, and in the "Princess Stage" (Wait..did I ever grow out of that phase? Anyone?) and a movie called.."The Little Mermaid" came out. Oh boy, did I fall in love.
There's also a sweet story that goes along with this movie. While my mom took me to see it in the theater, a few months later when it came out on VHS I remember my mom buying it for me that day (Did she have any other choice?) along with a PJ Sparkles Doll. Yeah..we won't get into that story. Anyway, the day that I got this movie was the first day I was introduced to the man who would eventually become my father. I remember we had pizza and were all sitting at the table. There was a fork sitting next to my plate, and if any of you are familiar with Ariel, you know about her huge collection of "treasures" that she finds in the water that come from humans. One day she finds a fork, her trusty seagull friend Skuttles tells her it's a "Dinglehopper" and it's used for brushing your hair. Of course after just having watched the VHS and seeing the fork, I had the itch to say "Look mom! It's a dinglehopper!" and started brushing my hair with it. I think this resulted in my mom taking me into my bedroom and giving me a talking to about how forks aren't used for that and I needed to behave at the table.
The night ended with my future dad playing with me for hours, and me jumping on his lap and asking "Are you gonna marry us?". See mom, I knew what I was doing :)
So this is one reason why The Little Mermaid holds such a special place in my heart, it reminds me of the day that I think, we started to become a family.
So, maybe my favorite song is appropriate for my mom and dad..afterall, I know I was hoping he would kiss my mom and live happily ever after!
Man! This is a toughie! Ask my husband or stepdaughter..I'm pretty much known for going around singing Disney tunes here and there. I've been bugging my husband forever to buy me this super expensive cd compilation of all the Disney songs. I don't think it's the price that bothers him..it's the having to listen to it part. There's just so many songs that I love, that I grew up loving. But, I'm going to have to go with a song from the first movie I can remember getting totally obsessed over. Of course I mentioned in an earlier post, Oliver & Company is the first Disney movie I remember seeing in the theater and I still adore it to this day (Sheesh, by now it's apparent I love them all. Except those lousy direct to dvd sequels. Ick) but I was 4, and in the "Princess Stage" (Wait..did I ever grow out of that phase? Anyone?) and a movie called.."The Little Mermaid" came out. Oh boy, did I fall in love.
There's also a sweet story that goes along with this movie. While my mom took me to see it in the theater, a few months later when it came out on VHS I remember my mom buying it for me that day (Did she have any other choice?) along with a PJ Sparkles Doll. Yeah..we won't get into that story. Anyway, the day that I got this movie was the first day I was introduced to the man who would eventually become my father. I remember we had pizza and were all sitting at the table. There was a fork sitting next to my plate, and if any of you are familiar with Ariel, you know about her huge collection of "treasures" that she finds in the water that come from humans. One day she finds a fork, her trusty seagull friend Skuttles tells her it's a "Dinglehopper" and it's used for brushing your hair. Of course after just having watched the VHS and seeing the fork, I had the itch to say "Look mom! It's a dinglehopper!" and started brushing my hair with it. I think this resulted in my mom taking me into my bedroom and giving me a talking to about how forks aren't used for that and I needed to behave at the table.
The night ended with my future dad playing with me for hours, and me jumping on his lap and asking "Are you gonna marry us?". See mom, I knew what I was doing :)
So this is one reason why The Little Mermaid holds such a special place in my heart, it reminds me of the day that I think, we started to become a family.
So, maybe my favorite song is appropriate for my mom and dad..afterall, I know I was hoping he would kiss my mom and live happily ever after!
Disney Challenge #9
Disney Challenge #9: Favorite Original Character
Come on. Is there any question about this one? Seeing the sight of him walking around Disneyland brings me to tears. He's the one and only mouse I'll ever love (Well except for Minnie of course). Obviously, we're talking about Mr. Mickey Mouse here.
He will live on for generations to come, where as sadly I have noticed that a lot of other Disney characters may not. Every child, every adult knows who he is and what he stands for.
In the words of the man himself, Mr. Walt Disney..."I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse."
Please, let's never lose sight of that.
Come on. Is there any question about this one? Seeing the sight of him walking around Disneyland brings me to tears. He's the one and only mouse I'll ever love (Well except for Minnie of course). Obviously, we're talking about Mr. Mickey Mouse here.
He will live on for generations to come, where as sadly I have noticed that a lot of other Disney characters may not. Every child, every adult knows who he is and what he stands for.
In the words of the man himself, Mr. Walt Disney..."I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse."
Please, let's never lose sight of that.
Disney Challenge #8
Disney Challenge # Favorite Villian
I know, I've seriously been lagging on this thing. It should have been done like..months ago. Sorry for keeping you all in suspense (haha). Busy, busy times lately and blogging always gets pushed to the wayside.
So..favorite villian? Hmm...that's a tough one. I'm gonna have to go with that mean guy with the hook for the hand. You know the one? Scared of crocodiles..has a pal named Smee..locked up Tink. Yup, it's Captain Hook.
Peter Pan will always be so near and dear to my heart as it's a movie my brother and I have loved to watch since we were kids. I think we watched it like twice a day everyday for awhile. It's my "go to" Disney movie for when I'm feeling sick, or having a hard time sleeping.
Of course, Captain Hook is a total jerk. But Yo Ho, Yo Ho a Pirate's Life For me..I kinda dig him :) Plus, I just love how the end of the story goes down. So unlike any of the other Disney movies where a Princess is held captive, or poisoned, or put to sleep. Peter Pan, along with Wendy, Michael, John, The Lost Boys and that awesome Crocodile all torture Captain Hook. But I bet you he's still out there looking for Peter..
I know, I've seriously been lagging on this thing. It should have been done like..months ago. Sorry for keeping you all in suspense (haha). Busy, busy times lately and blogging always gets pushed to the wayside.
So..favorite villian? Hmm...that's a tough one. I'm gonna have to go with that mean guy with the hook for the hand. You know the one? Scared of crocodiles..has a pal named Smee..locked up Tink. Yup, it's Captain Hook.
Peter Pan will always be so near and dear to my heart as it's a movie my brother and I have loved to watch since we were kids. I think we watched it like twice a day everyday for awhile. It's my "go to" Disney movie for when I'm feeling sick, or having a hard time sleeping.
Of course, Captain Hook is a total jerk. But Yo Ho, Yo Ho a Pirate's Life For me..I kinda dig him :) Plus, I just love how the end of the story goes down. So unlike any of the other Disney movies where a Princess is held captive, or poisoned, or put to sleep. Peter Pan, along with Wendy, Michael, John, The Lost Boys and that awesome Crocodile all torture Captain Hook. But I bet you he's still out there looking for Peter..
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