Oh, Bloody Hell!

Warning: If you're grossed out by talking about blood and female "stuff"..don't read this. Lol. I'm not too graphic or anything, but this is the stuff you WON'T see me talking about on Facebook. I'm blogging this whole crazy journey, so nothing will be left out. Including the stuff some may find TMI. If you know me, you know I'm not shy about discussing the TMI stuff :o)

So, yesterday marked three weeks since surgery. Gosh, I feel like it's been SO much longer than that. My incisions are healing really well, I think as soon as the glue they used to stitch me back together comes off I'll be buying that lotion to help fade scars. They're already shrinking pretty good, I just am paranoid about having any kind of scars on my stomach. Let's face it, who doesn't want to have a cute tummy during bikini season? The scars from my first surgery healed pretty darn good, they were unnoticeable, but these ones were larger, and there were five, instead of three which is what there were last time. Just don't want to take any chances since my knee surgery.."Oh they'll be totally gone in a few months". Yeah, my ass. You can still see them, and I really don't like it. Anyway..enough about scars. Wanna hear about blood? I knew you did!

I've been bleeding since about 5 days post-op. Yeah, did you do the math? I've been bleeding for over two weeks now. It wasn't really heavy bleeding, just steady I'd say. Well, about a week ago, it started getting really bad. Like, within an hour was completely soaked through my pj pants, and onto the sheets. Yeah, I ruin everything. I was having to change my pads (Which are HUGE by the way) like twice an hour. Just miserable. So, David called my Dr the next morning, since that little situation happened at about midnight, and he said it was normal. When I had my post-op appointment a week after surgery, I had only been bleeding for 3 days. I did ask him how long it would last and he couldn't say. "It's different for everyone. You had a lot done, and a lot removed, so it could be weeks". Ok, fine. I just didn't think bleeding that heavily was normal. I mean, I have horrendous periods, and I don't think I've ever bled that much at once. I could literally feel it just pouring out. (Feeing light headed yet?). So, even though David explained to him exactly how bad it was, how I was going through pads so quickly, how I stained everything, he still said it was normal. He said that if it got worse, then I needed to go to the ER. If it doesn't slow down, then I needed to make an appointment, and also until I'm done bleeding I need to be on total bed rest. So fun. As if I haven't been stuck in bed enough lately. Well, it's slowed down, but it's still heavy I'd say.

I've already had two incidents of passing out since surgery. I swear I'm a Dr's nightmare. The first one was like a week after surgery, I don't think it was due to the bleeding, I was in the bathroom and just started feeling dizzy. I was able to feel it coming on so I got to the floor before I fell to the floor. Thank goodness David is a light sleeper, he heard it and came and got me. Then I got lectured on why I went and got up to the bathroom without him. Yeah, he's good like that. He was waking up with me every time I had to go to the bathroom (yeah, even in the middle of the night) to accompany me to the bathroom since I was having a hard time getting around, and also because I do have such a history of fainting. The second time was last Thursday night. I wasn't so lucky with being in control that time. I wasn't even feeling dizzy or anything before hand. I got up out of bed (I had been asleep) to go to the bathroom. Went pee, stood up to pull my pants up and started getting that "every thing's fuzzy" feeling, and the next thing I remember is seeing David's legs in front of me. I had totally blacked out that time. I have the bumps and bruises to prove it. It was just so weird. I don't even remember David carrying me back to bed, or anything.

I didn't even bother calling the Dr to tell him about it. After all, I did just get my license back in February, after having it taken away for over a year because of another fainting episode. It does only happen when I'm bleeding, or really sick. It's not a neurological issue, that's already been determined by two different neurologists. But I know they still have to report it to the DMV if you go to the Dr for it. Losing so much blood, and being anemic, I know I don't need to be seen for it. Should I even be writing this on here? Ok, no one turn me into the DMV please :)

I did kind of break Dr's orders and get out of the house on Friday. We had to go to Fresno to pick up Sharayah and I decided to go. We're in the process of re-doing our living room, and I wanted to go look at this couch David and I have been eyeing for a few weeks. We've been looking at it online, so I wanted to see it in person. After only like ten minutes of walking around the furniture store I felt like crap. I just have no energy, and can't even get up and walk around for a few without just feeling so weak and dizzy. Yes mom, I've been taking my iron and other vitamins too :) The bleeding is just taking a huge toll on me. So, I'm not breaking the rules for the rest of the week, and I'm hoping the bleeding is either gone or barely there by the end of the week since David and I have a date night planned. It's been awhile since we've had one, and he said he wants to "treat" me for being so strong and getting through surgery and also to celebrate what will hopefully be big changes in my life. In our our lives. He should be "treated" as well for being such an amazing caretaker. I don't know any other husband who would change their wife's catheter bag, and then remove it without getting grossed out. At least he said it didn't gross him out..haha. Also, having to get up with me constantly to go to the bathroom, to change my pad, to go to the store and buy pads pretty much in bulk (Well he's always been good about that though, I'm lucky, I know some guys refuse to do that), and even having to bathe me. I tell him "How can you possibly find me hot after all this gross stuff??", he says "How can I not find you hot after seeing what a fighter you are?". Cue the "Awws". I know, right? Yup, I'm a lucky girl!

So here's to the flood gates closing soon (**fingers crossed**)..and The Hangover 2 and sushi this weekend! Oh sushi..how I've been craving you for so long. I will be ordering tons of you and stuffing my face.

Perfection..

**I meant to post this a few weeks ago but didn't get around to finishing it, I'm sure you've all had your fill of the Royal Wedding, but here it is again..the way I saw it..

























....LOVED them driving off in this vintage Aston Martin....what a fun thing to do!


What an absolutely wonderful day!!


London was fantastic, I honestly could have burst with pride..and I'm not even British! No one does a wedding like the Royal Family with all the pomp and pageantry, it was amazing! A wonderful atmosphere and such great support from the crowds. Wedding fever was everywhere and London looked fabulous!!


Kate's dress was stunning....elegant, stylish and perfect choice for her.
She looked radiant, happy and relaxed all day long, quite amazing.


Princes William and Harry looked so handsome in their uniforms...my tears started the second they left Clarence House and didn't stop all day! Tears of happiness though really, it was such a joyful occasion.


Pippa Middleton was the most stunning Maid of Honour...and the little flower girls, bridesmaids and pageboys were gorgeous.


Westminster Abbey was a beautiful setting and the service was perfect.


They really are a couple in love, it was so apparent, I can't wait to see what lies ahead of them and I think Kate, Duchess of Cambridge is going to be a huge asset to the Royal Family.


The British monarchy lost something when Prince Charles and Diana, Princess of Wales divorced and they lost even more when she died. For me, yesterday that something came back and I think many felt a renewed love of and enthusiasm for the Royal Family. Long may it continue.

You're Gonna Make It After all...

I don't know why, but the theme song of Mary Tyler Moore has been stuck in my head for days. I finally realized, it has to be there for a reason, but why? Well, I remember being wheeled into the operation room last Monday, of course tears flowing because I had just said bye to my husband and I knew he was standing at the end of the hall watching until I was pushed through those double doors. So, then being in the OR and seeing all the big lights and tools laid out sent me into a panic attack. The nurses and anesthesiologist were all very sweet though. Of course they started to put the stuff in my IV to relax me and I started trying to think of happy thoughts, my usual routine before I finally fall asleep. Usually I think of Disneyland. This time I started thinking of all of my favorite old tv shows. I Love Lucy, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bewitched & The Golden Girls. I remember singing the theme songs in my head and thinking of all the funny moments. The last one I remember thinking of was the Chuckles The Clown episode of Mary Tyler Moore. They just don't make TV shows like that anymore. I have to clarify though, as much as I loved Mary..Rhoda was always my favorite. Come on, those hats and scarves? A girl after my own heart. Anyway, I started thinking how that theme song kind of applies to my life right now. Then I was out. Ok..so surgery details..

The surgery lasted almost four hours. He found alot of endometriosis, and classified it as a Stage 4, the worst kind. Yeah, not fun to hear. He said it was completely covering my left side. Some on the right, but nothing close to the left. There was a large cyst on my left ovary. The pictures were gross, but when he showed me the one of them cutting into it, endometriosis just poured out everywhere. Pretty gross. I also had alot on my bladder, which hopefully explains my need to pee every ten minutes, and the urinary pain I get that feels like a UTI but tests always come back negative. My bowel was pretty bad too, it was starting to attach to the back of the uterine wall. Hopefully that explains alot of my tummy troubles. He also had to do a hysteroscopy, and basically suck out the layer on my cervix that had the pre-cancerous cells. He also cut nerves to the uterus, so that hopefully my pain levels during my period will go down. I know some of this sounds like bad news, but he was able to remove all of it. So that is great news.

I had a really hard time in the recovery area after surgery. Intense pain, and was unable to empty my bladder. Which resulted in me screaming in pain and probably scaring other people in there. They kept telling me that there wasn't that much urine in there, then finally a different nurse came in and did a catheter and pulled out 500 of something..I don't know it that's milliliters or something, but she said that meant it was totally full. She took the cath out, and an hour later the same thing happened. I was able to get a tiny bit out in the restroom but that was it. So they did a cath again, and pulled out the same amount. This time they left it in, and I had to keep it in for two days. I never thought I would be begging to have a catheter, but it was definitely worth it. Not only did it help all that pain and pressure, but it was nice not having to get up to go to the bathroom for the next two days considering I could barely walk. My amazing husband has been such a great nurse. I'm sure emptying my catheter bag for two days wasn't too appealing for him. How did I get so lucky?

So, I'm now nine days post op. Still pretty sore, but definitely nothing like it was. I am having period like bleeding, which they say is normal and can't tell me how long it will last, could be a few weeks. Oh joy. But, he sees no reason why I can't get pregnant now. He said that it was pretty much impossible before because my ovaries couldn't have been working right, with that large cysts and all the adhesion's everywhere. But my tubes are open, and aren't scarred which is great news. He wants me to try a more natural approach to healing, as far as diet, exercise and reading a book called "The Healing Code" which I just downloaded on my Kindle and saw it had a lot of excellent reviews. I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but I also am thrilled at not having to put more hormones in my body. After all, they didn't work the first time. I had my first surgery in November 2009, he said from then til now, the endo should not have been as bad as it was. I'm also contemplating acupuncture. So here we go..as soon as I'm fully recovered, we're 100% focused on getting pregnant. I don't know why, but I have a feeling..it's finally our time.

Love is all around no need to waste it....

Mom

I hate to say it, but I didn't truly, 100% realize just how great my mom is until I started my journey to become a mom.

She has NO limits to her love. She never has, and she never will. Sure, sometimes it is crazy and inappropriate... but I really appreciate it now more than ever. She is a one of a kind mom and I wouldn't give that up for the world.

I've been alive for 26 years now and I and everyone else knows it's because I have a wonderful mother. She is the one of the only person who truly seems to get me... even when she doesn't. She smells like home, she sounds like love, and frankly she has this look that scares the crap out of me!

I thank my mom for my green eyes, my ridiculously curly hair (most days I can't stand it but know someday I'll appreciate it), my love for All My Children, Baseball & Friends, my crazy taste in music, always making sure I have sunglasses, turning me into a pack rat (no I seriously am proud of it. You wouldn't believe how many things I have from my childhood),for still labeling my Christmas presents "From Santa", for always letting me dream and for making sure I'm always taken care of <3

Thank you for everything, mom! I love you to pieces!