Endometriosis Letter

I found this letter written by fellow sufferers of Endometriosis. It says everything so perfectly. I'm so lucky that I have a husband who has been there with me every step of the way through this, has researched and educated himself on it, who is so compassionate when I'm at my worst during that time of the month, I'm sure most husbands would want to knock me out. But after reading a certain part of the letter..he is kinda lucky too..even though my Dr. said I was the worst case he's seen in someone my age (YIKES)..we've never gone months without "sharing a bed"..HAHA.

Not just him, but I have a great support system of family and friends who are always there for me, who have also done research and talk to me about this horrific disease. I even have a really good Dr. But for anyone that doesn't know what this is, or has doubts about stuff I've been going through the past year and a half (This wasn't even all of what I dealt with last year, but thankfully, most of the other stuff is under control), I encourage you to read this letter, and do some research online.

Dear Parents, Partners, Friends, Families, Employers & Doctors:



We have spent the last years of our lives apologizing for being stricken with a disease we did nothing to contract, and we can do it no longer. We are asking - again - for your understanding. We are not responsible for failing to live up to your expectations, the way you think we should. What you seem to fail to realize, is that you are just as much a part of the cycle of the disease as we are, because you are not getting the whole of our person and our capabilities.

We are not "lazy," we are not "whiners," we do not make the pain up "in our heads."



We have Endometriosis.



We know that we look healthy on the outside, and that is sometimes harder to accept than if we exhibited the disease in our every day appearance. What you don't see is what our organs look like on the inside, and you don't see what living with it has done to our emotional well-being.

When we call in sick, it's not because we need a mental health day or to "go shopping." It's because we can't get out of bed from the pain. Do you think we like letting our careers suffer? Would it be easier for you to understand if we said we had cancer and looked the part?



When we get emotional and cry at the seemingly silliest things, or get angry for even less reason, it's not because we are "flaky women." It is because we are taking drug therapies to stall this incurable disease, or perhaps it's because we have come close to the breaking point after dealing day in and day out with the pain for which there is no defined cause or absolute cure.



When we can't have intimate relations with our partners, it is not because we don't love you or want to. It's because we can't. It hurts too much. And we aren't feeling real attractive right now.



When you, our parents, can't understand that since you are healthy, we should be too, but aren't - try harder. We don't understand it either. We need your support more than anyone's.



When we can't go to family gatherings or accept social invitations, it's not because we don't wish to share in your fun. It's because we feel like pariahs. You are all having such a nice time with your children and loved ones - we can't remember the last time we had a nice time, or the last time we were pain-free. We can't have a nice time with our children (some of us); because we were robbed of that chance before we were old enough to even care about having them in the first place. Do you think we need to be reminded of our battle with infertility by watching you and your babies? Or for those of us who were blessed enough to be able to conceive, do you think we want a constant reminder that we never feel well enough to spend enough quality time with our children, or worse - that we might have passed this disease down through our genetics onto our daughters?



When you married us, you didn't know that we meant the "in sickness and in health" part literally, did you? We bet you were counting on at least a 50/50 split of that combination, rather than the 90/10 ratio you got. You are our caretakers, the ones who drive us to and from our doctors, countless surgeries, and emergency room visits. You are the ones who hear us crying in the night and see us break down during the day. You are the ones who wait on us hand and foot after surgery. You are the ones that go for months on end without sharing our beds with us. You are the ones that deal with our infertility right along with us. We strike out at you when we are hurting and angry, and you take it in stride. You are perhaps bigger victims of Endometriosis than even we are. You are appreciated more than words can ever say.



Don't give up on us now.



As a medical professional, we are coming to you for help. We are asking you to do the job you were trained to do and ease our suffering. We do not need you to tell us that we are imagining the excruciating pain we live in, or worse yet, that it is "normal for a woman to hurt." Keep up with your research, find the cause of this disease and better yet, find a cure! Stop taking the easy way out and drugging us into oblivion so that we will quiet down. We want answers and it is your job to provide them. You were the ones that took the oath to heal - why do we have to try to do your job? Do you understand what it means when we tell you that we literally can no longer live a normal life and care for ourselves and our families? We're not drug seeking; we're answer seeking.



Are you not up to the challenge to find the answers?



To those we have called friends all our lives, why have you deserted us when we needed your compassion and understanding the most? Do you see the selfishness of your actions? When we can't get together with you, it's not because we don't like you or we don't care - it's because we are no longer capable of enjoying healthy leisure time. Our minds are consumed with our next doctor's appointments, what surgery we are going to have next, and why we feel so sick all the time. This is not about you - it never was and it never will be. It is about us. Please try to remember what the term "friend" means.



Try to walk one minute in our shoes. We have fought a war for the better part of our years. We are faced daily with physical pains we can't understand and mental anguish we can barely cope with some days. We face a society daily that doesn't even know the word "Endometriosis," much less the ramifications of living with the disease. We have to face uneducated and unsympathetic doctors who tell us "it's all in your head", and "have a hysterectomy, it will cure you", or "get pregnant, it will cure you", when we know that it won't and have been dealing with infertility for the last however many years. Can't you see that?

We have to fight to get medical treatment that insurance companies don't deem necessary, or worse, we deplete our savings because aren't able to obtain proper care unless we pay for it ourselves and travel thousands of miles to the rare specialists that are few and far between. We have to have surgery after surgery and subject ourselves to horrific medications just to be able to get out of bed in the morning. This is not a conscious choice we made, it was the hand we were dealt. It is enough of a war we wage just to try and live with some modicum of normalcy - don't make it harder on us by not seeing the reasons why.



Endometriosis is a disease that affects all of us.



Take the time to learn about it and understand. If you can do that, and you can join us in the battle for a cure, then we can one day return to our old selves and live a normal, pain-free life. We can have healthy relationships with our loved ones. We can stop taking the painkillers that numb our suffering to a degree and become part of the living again.



Please don't judge us and declare that we are all the things we are not - until you have lived with this disease ravaging your mind and body, you cannot speak on it.



Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, someone once said. While Endometriosis may not kill our physical body, it tries like hell to kill our spirit. It tries to kill every hope and dream we ever had of doing the things that make us happy. All of us are out here searching for a cure to put an end to the disease...and we are holding our heads high in spite of Endometriosis and fighting it every single day. We are asking you to take part in that battle and work with us beating it. Wouldn't it be nice to have back the daughter, wife, friend or loved one you once knew?



Think about it.

~The Sentiments of Millions of Endometriosis Sufferers Around the World~

http://www.EndoCenter.org

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Disneyland, Doctors, and Dancing!

So, we're less than a month from our trip to Disneyland! I'm sooo excited! We'll be going Nov 17, 18, & 19th to celebrate mine and my stepdaughters birthdays. It's been a few years and I'm having withdrawals. We're also getting season passes so hopefully I can talk the hubby into going even more often :) I'm most excited to see "World of Color". I've heard nothing but amazing things about it, and even cheated and watched Disney's High Definition video of it and it was super awesome. Of course, I cried, but hey, that happens alot at Disneyland for some reason. Such great memories of childhood. I'm always just reminded of how special those times were going as a kid, and seeing things for the first time. I truly cherish those times, and need to scrapbook all those old pictures I have and make an album for my mom.

I saw my Fertility Specialist today for the first time since I had the surgery last November. A few things have happened in the recent weeks that I'm convinced were signs that I needed to start being aggressive again. To be fair, when I was seeing this Dr before, they weren't aware that I had endometriosis, and of course neither was I. So now that they know what we're dealing with here, they've come up with a treatment program designed for specifically my case of Endo. It's kind of an aggressive medication, but the chances for conceiving are high and hey at this point, I'm ready. We're ready. David has even expressed to me in the past few days how much he wants a baby, and that's huge for me. Of course we've always agreed we wanted a family together but he never really has just came out and said it like that. Tonight I also had an appointment with my Therapist (Yes, I'm not ashamed. It's starting to change my life so much, and let's be honest here, everyone could use some of it). Anyway, while I was at my appointment tonight, David went to Target and actually looked at baby stuff. Oh how I love that man :)

In closing I just want to say how super obsessed I am with the game "Just Dance" for the Wii. Not only is it super fun, but it's a workout! I'm bugging David to buy me the second version that just came out...some of the songs include "Hey Ya" by Outkast and "Rockafeller Skank" by Fatboy Slim. Watch out people cuz you won't beat my score!

4 Years!

So, October 1st David and I celebrated our FOUR YEAR anniversary. Yeah, I had to put it in caps, for all the people who didn't think we would last this long :)

We left Friday morning and stopped at Casa De Fruta. I was very excited about it because I've never been. We were greeted by lots of peacocks, which was exciting for me. I love them! We had a really yummy lunch, then walked through all the stores, walked through the corn mazes and the ponds, then continued on our way to the bay. We got to our hotel, chilled for a bit, then started getting ready for our dinner. We ate at the Cliffhouse, which I would recommend anyone to eat there if they're in San Fran and looking for the most romantic place to eat. It's all huge windows that look over the water, and there's caves and cliffs and the waves come crashing up, it's gorgeous! We had a delicious dinner and the best dessert I've ever had. Too many mojitos and wine for me..and we enjoyed some jazz music and dancing. Perfection :)

Saturday we went to the Giants baseball game and had a blast. We were hoping they would actually win that game, because it was huge for them, it would've taken them into post season, but they losts and ended up winning, and obviously to all you baseball fans, they're now in the playoffs to get to the World Series. It was kinda hard for me too root for another team since I'm a diehard Yankees fan..but the things we do for love. We spent the rest of the day bumming around San Fran, went to Pier 39 and ate dinner...and then the trouble began. Food poisoning. The worst. We actually spent all day Sunday in bed (I was the only one sick, not David), and had to book that night in the hotel because I wouldn't have made it home. My babe took good care of me though, even cleaned up my puke..haha. I woke up fine the next day, so we hung out at our favorite place, Haight Ashbury. Then headed over to Ghiradelli Square to go to this fancy little teahouse I've been dying to try, called Crown & Crumpet. It's gorgeous and totally meant for me! So, aside from the sickness, it was a great trip. San Francisco is kinda where we started..so it's a very special place to us. Here's some pics..excuse the last few, that was post food poisoning, no makeup or effort put into my hair.

Eat. Pray. Love.

I saw this movie today with my mom. I have to say..I got choked up a few times. Not out of sadness, but out of happiness I think. This woman was saying things to herself that I have said word for word in my head. I think for a good part of my adulthood (not that I'm THAT old)..I've felt lost. Looking for something to define me. I've always thought all I ever wanted was marriage and babies. Well let me clarify..a GOOD marriage..and babies. I don't want the kind of marriage where after you have the kids, that's all you talk about is the kids. I cherish the conversations I have with my husband. Now, babies. Babies has been a struggle for those of you who know me well. Even those of you who don't. I'm not very shy on the topic. You can't be. After you've been married 4 years and turn 25, it kind of becomes a topic everyone asks you about. "So, when are you having a baby?". Boy, you don't know what you're in for after asking me that.

I finally decided a few months ago to just let it all go. It's not in my control, so why have I been acting like it is this whole time? How the heck could having a baby be in my control? There's no way. So, I finally accepted that it will happen if it's supposed to. In the mean time, I want to enjoy life. I want to EAT, PRAY, and LOVE. I consider myself to be a very lucky woman. I have such an amazing husband. We're usually pretty in sync. We share so many of the same interests. We have great conversations. We truly enjoy eachothers company, we really do. Watching this movie, this movie that at times could be devastating, and at other times reminded me so much of myself, made me think so much of myself, and my husband. Ever since I was little, I've wanted to travel. France, Ireland, England, Italy, Germany, Japan, India, Australia...all places I've dreamed of going. I didn't care how I got there, I just knew one day I was going. Well, one day I will. But it won't be alone, it will be with him <3

I still don't know exactly what defines me yet. Or really if anything is supposed to define me. I just know I'm happy being me. Being his wife. Being somewhat of an artist (in my eyes, at least), being happy, being loved, being funny, being well traveled (for now, I think compared to most people my age I've been to alot of great places so far), being an unperfect perfectionist, being..Tiffany Van Ingen :)

September 11

I don't have much to write about today. I feel that complaining about laundry and packing for my trip is trivial compared to what today is. September 11th is still so fresh in my mind, but unfortunately it seems like it's the farthest thing from a lot of people's these days. I will never forget where I was, what I felt, how scared I was, wondering what was happening, why would people do this to us. I also am originally from the East Coast. I was born in Connecticut, and have family there and in New York. A cousin actually who worked in the second building that was hit. An Uncle who worked close to WTC. My husband and I visited the WTC site two years ago, and I'm glad we did. This is an exceprt from a speech President George W. Bush gave, and I've always admired these words:

"Great harm has been done to us. We have suffered great loss. And in our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment. Freedom and fear are at war. The advance of human freedom -- the great achievement of our time, and the great hope of every time -- now depends on us. Our nation, this generation will lift a dark threat of violence from our people and our future. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail."

I hope everyone takes time out of their day today to say a prayer for the victims and their families.

NEVER FORGET.

Fun Mail & Sore Knees

After a long and busy day spent in Fresno for Dr appointments, and squeezed in a nice dinner and some window shopping with the hubby, I came home and while fumbling around trying to turn my cell phone light on so David could see the keyhole in the door (we always forget to turn the porch light on before we leave), I stumbled on a package on the front steps. I had totally forgotten my mom told me to expect a package from my sweet grandmother. I always get so excited and have to rush inside and open it before I do anything else. It was a package full of books to help with painting. I love it! A few months ago she sent me a bunch of stuff to paint with watercolors. I love painting and I'm positive I get this from my very talented grandma who among her many other hobbies, is an amazing painter. I think the books are just what I need to get me motivated to paint more. After all, my Monday nights just opened up now that the craziness that is The Real Housewives of New Jersey has ended it's season. :) I'm sure David would love a painting for our upcoming wedding anniversary.

I saw my Orthopedist today for another follow up since my knee surgery. He said the scars should lighten up a bit...I sure hope so, they're still pretty dark and not very pretty. Still have to wear the ugly brace, and no bending, twisting, squatting, running (haha like I do that anyway). It's been a month since I had the surgery to repair my torn menescus, and it looks a whole lot better, but there's one area that's still a little swollen. I've learned not to bend too far or squat the hard way..since I've been off the crutches and walking really good now, sometimes it's hard to forget and I'll squat down to pick something up, like I did this morning, and OUCH! Sharp shooting pains, and then it's sore for the whole day. It's definitely a process, still learning my limits I guess. Physical Therapy is a whole other story...I feel like they are there just to torture me LOL :)

Trying to get motivated!

Okay, I realize it's been soo long since I've posted. I've had a few people send e-mails checking up. It's been a CRAZY six months. Truth is, writing really helps me feel better about things so I don't really know why I haven't done so on here. But I want to! This is me committing to writing a blog at least once a week..yes..once a week! Stay tuned...

Pictures!

Updates and So..

I'm one month out of surgery and can already tell a difference. The Dr found a lot of endometriosis, basically I was covered with it. I was pretty relieved that's all that they found, but a little upset as well since the endometriosis does grow back. I'm now taking medicine to shrink some that they couldn't remove because it's on my bladder and also around the liver. But I can already tell a difference as far as my monthly cycle goes, not as in nearly as much pain, yesterday was the first day and I took a few Ibuprofens and I was good. Hopefully long gone are the days of being rolled up in a ball in bed crying and barely being able to move. I also hope it means something more amazing is on it's way :)

I turned 25 on Nov 19th..man I feel kinda old! I guess I have my older husband to keep me young! haha. I had a great birthday out dancing with friends, and shopping for much needed new clothes. Thanksgiving was great as well, I got to visit family in Arizona and stay for a little over a week to visit with cousins and their kids, it was a great time.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and continued support during my surgery and afterwards...cards, flowers, phonecalls, visits, it all means the world to me!

New Stuff

So, it's been awhile since I've blogged! Dr's appointments, a trip to Los Angeles and more Dr's appointments have kept me pretty busy.

We spent the weekend of Oct 24 & 25 in L.A. Sunday the 25th was the big event we've been waiting for literally 4 years, because that's how long it's taken us to get tickets to see them..the U2 concert at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. It was an amazing experience. Saturday we bummed around Hollywood, which was fun because I had really never been able to spend time down there before, so I got to see the walk of fame, Grauman's Chinese Theater, The El Capitan Theater and other sites. It was a lot of fun just walking around all day seeing the different sites and looking for the stars I wanted, of course I didn't find all of them..I never realized how big it was but I got to see quite a lot. We had so much fun, we forgot that we needed sleep, so by the time we got to my sister in laws house, it was after midnight and we planned on getting up at 3am to leave to the Rose Bowl to get in line for U2. I know, we're insane. So on barely three hours of sleep, we actually did wake up at 3am, got ready and headed to Pasadena. It was freezing cold, but we were number 51 and 52 in a line of what grew to be over 6,000 people on the field that night. Pretty impressive right? Ok you still think I'm crazy I'm sure. People keep asking me why we lined up that early and sat in line for 15 hours..well we had General Admission tickets, which means basically, first come first serve and we wanted to be as close as possible. With the Rose Bowl holding 96,000 people for that concert..we knew we would have to pull something crazy to get close..but we had an amazing view..the whole band walked right past us on the cat walk quite a few times.

Note that I would never do this for anyone BUT U2. They are both mine and my husbands favorite band ever, and we had always said we would do whatever it took to get close. It was so amazing to experience it with David. We both love them so much, their songs are so meaningful to us, they are just awesome and it was almost surreal to even be there. I spent most of the concert just crying because it was so unbelievable to me. Yeah, I get that whole crying thing from my mom :) Hi Mom!

So..we obviously had an amazing time as we just bought tickets to see them again in Anaheim this summer. Hopefully we won't have to pull the crazy moves out this time since it's a much smaller venue. Here's to June 2010!

So aside from that, my surgery is scheduled for this Friday and I couldn't be more nervous. I know that's normal, but I am honestly just scared out of my mind about it. I've never had surgery, and always feared it. I know I will be so much better off afterwards, that's what I keep telling myself and what everyone around me keeps telling me, and I know this, I really do, it's the whole being put to sleep thing that I'm scared of. I know that sounds crazy, but it just terrifies me. That and the fact that I'm a big baby with a low tolerance for pain and I don't know how I'm going to react afterwards. I feel horrible even saying these things as I know there's millions of people everyday who have major surgeries on things like their brain and heart which are much more serious than my little procedure. So, just keep me in your prayers and hopefully it will all go well and answers will be found.
I will try to update as soon as I'm up to it after surgery..and thanks for everyone who's messaged me, called me, everything..I appreciate it so much, my family and friends mean the world to me :)

Today is October 15th

It's National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. I lit my candle at 7pm for my angel, and for a few friends who have also lost little ones as well.

Some updates..

Well quite a few things have happened since my last blog, so here goes!

September 27th I ended up in the ER in Clovis where my mother in law lives because I had started passing blood clots, which normally I do have during my period, but it was nowhere near the time of my period so we were concerned that maybe a cyst had ruptured because I was in a lot of pain as well. Clovis is about an hour and twenty minutes from where we live and I was staying with my mother in law for the night since I had an appointment with my Cardiologist that next morning and his office is located just down the street from her. The pain got to be pretty unbearable and as much as I hate going to ER's..my husband and mother in law, and also my mother through text messages (lol) were all bugging me to go. So I went. I don't think I've ever said "I am really glad I went to the ER I really loved it there"..but I did! This hospital was just amazing. They got me in within 15 minutes, I had my own private room, the nurse was the sweetest thing, the Dr was a great guy..and he came in and checked on me periodically which I have never experienced before, I'm lucky if when I go here in Coalinga the Dr says more then a few words to me and then sends me home. They automatically ran blood work, got me in for an ultrasound and a CT scan within an hour. They had me on some good medicine ( I swear I'm not a druggie..just a girl in a whole lotta pain who is sick of taking vicodin)..and they would constantly come in and check my pain levels and just comfort me. It was just a really great experience and I realize I sound totally weird for saying that about an ER..but hey I've had a rough couple of months with some pretty bad ER visits.

So, they did confirm that there is a mass, and the cysts are about 5.6 cm. Which means they have to be removed. I was given a bunch of papers to take to my regular Ob/Gyn, some pain medicine and sent home after about 4 hours..which is a record for me. Usually they keep me there forever because they don't want to wake up the Dr. depending on the hour..so I just lay there forever, and they give me an ibuprofen..wow..I could be doing that in the comfort of my own home. Anyway, I went to my Ob/Gyn a few days later and he decided that surgery is definitely the next step. It will be laprascopic, and I will have about 3 incisions. Hopefully he will be able to remove the cyst, but he said it is a possibility that they will have to take the whole ovary. If that happens there is a possibility they will actually have to open me up. Please pray that that doesn't happen. I know that losing one ovary doesn't mean I can't get pregnant, I know people who only have one who have kids, I just don't want to have a harder time getting pregnant then I already have. He will also be looking for endometriosis and running dye through to check for any blockage or problem areas. I am very anxious for this as I know it will hopefully relieve my pain and hopefully help with getting pregnant, but I'm terrified also. I've never had surgery, always worried that someday I would have to. I think my biggest fear is anesthesia. I don't like the idea of being put to sleep and am scared I won't wake up. I'm sure that sounds crazy, but I think of weird things like that. Surgery is set for November 6th at 7:30 am. So, please pray that I will find strength and that the surgery goes well and I won't lose an ovary. I have been so overwhelmed by the phonecalls, e-mails and cards from friends and family who are praying behind me. It truly means the world to me.

Three Years!

Yesterday was our three year anniversary. It seems like it has flown by..and yet in a way it seems like so long ago. It's been the best three years of my life so far..even considering all that we've been through I wouldn't change a thing in my marriage. I am so blessed to be married to this wonderful man. He truly is the best person I've ever known and I thank God daily that he's mine. I am constantly told how lucky I am because he is such a good man, and obviously I know this. I am so lucky to have someone who has been an amazing support system these past few months, taking care of me, going to my appointments, making sure I'm always comfortable, always my shoulder to cry on and there to make me laugh when I need it, and these days I have needed it a lot. So here's to three years...and many more to come..and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us :)

A "Mass"?

What exactly does that mean? I've had cysts on my ovaries since February..that I know of. An ultrasound was done and the Dr said they were small and would most likely shed off during my next period. I have really painful periods and am stubborn and always put off going to the Dr in that specific area, so I finally went in July. They ordered another ultrasound and they cysts had grown. So my OB put me on birth control for six weeks, then wanted another ultrasound done to see if they had shrunk any. So last week I went for my ultrasound, and yesterday I got the results. It really freaked me out because when I called the Dr's office for the results, they immediately got the Dr on the phone..which never happens. Usually I call, explain the reason for my call and they say "OK we'll leave him a note and he'll return your call shortly." This was on a busy Friday..I know how that office gets..and it's a madhouse. But they connected me straight through to him, and he said it doesn't look like a cyst anymore. It's gotten bigger and looks like it's not just on the ovary, like it's spread. A mass is what he said. What does that mean? How am I supposed to take this news?

Is it cancer? Is it something that will require surgery and possibly the removal of my reproductive parts? I just don't know how to deal with this news. I go in on Wednesday for a CT scan of the pelvic area and will know more then, but I just don't know how much more I can take of this. I don't understand why it has to be so hard. How come drug addicts and people who don't even take care of their kids end up with them, and yet I struggle and struggle and go through test after test and nothing. I don't know what I'm going to do until Wednesday..and I probably won't even get the results that day either..it will probably be another few days before the Dr gets ah old of the films and reviews it. Please pray for patience for me and that this isn't anything serious. If it is something that requires surgery, just pray that they don't have to take anything like my ovaries, and that whatever it is will give me relief and take the pain away during my periods. I appreciate all the prayers I can get.

October 15th

October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. It is recognized in all 50 states. At 7 pm your time please light a candle to honor babies lost to miscarriage or stillbirth and to honor families that have been affected by such tragedy. The "International Wave of Light" created by lighting a candle for one hour at 7pm in your timezone has spread to Canada and now across the world so our angels will never be forgotten. I think even though it has been almost two years since I suffered my loss, I am really just beginning the process of healing, and for this I thank God. For a long time I blamed myself, then after that, I blamed God. It was so hard to have to accept it, and then to have to tell family and friends. To be honest, a lot of people weren't very sensitive about it. I had to deal with a lot of comments which I didn't know how to answer but tried my best to speak up for myself and my child who I had lost.

Most people don't really know what to say, so they make something up on the spot or repeat old-fashioned sayings that don't really apply. I think that they feel the need to say something, and they want somehow to make it all better. While many of the stupid things that people will say to you upon learning you have lost a baby seem thoughtless and even cruel,I do realize that it is difficult to find the right thing to say to you. I knew I would be upset no matter what they say. I felt that this was ok and sometimes I would just walk away from the conversation which probably seemed rude, but I had to keep myself together.

These are just some of the comments I recieved and the replies I gave in return:

Comment: "This was probably a blessing in disguise."
Reply: "I don't see it that way; this is actually very hard for me."

Comment: "At least you weren't farther along."
Reply: "I think a baby is a baby no matter how big he or she is."

Comment: "Now you have an angel in heaven."
Reply: "Yes, but I'm sure I'd rather have a baby here."

Comment: "This was God's will."
Reply: "I don't think I or anyone really knows what God's will is exactly."

Comment: "Be glad you didn't get attached to it."
Reply: "Actually, we were quite attached to our little baby."

Comment: "Stop worrying. My cousin had four miscarriages and she had a baby just fine."
Reply: "I am very sorry for your cousin. I know how hard those four miscarriages must have been."

Comment: "If you stop thinking about it, you'll feel better."
Reply: "Actually, thinking about the baby is important to me."

Comment: "You can always have another one."
Reply: "Yes, but I still lost this one, and one child can never replace another."

Sometimes the best way to handle difficult people is to simply avoid them until you are up to it.

I feel as though God is starting to heal me. Before I was just so angry all the time, now I realize, I have just another Guardian Angel on my side :)


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Survived a root canal..

Well my dreaded root canal was today. I have to say, it wasn't bad. The worst was the shots they put in my gums. The first one didn't hurt to bad, but the second was up under my gum behind my front tooth and that was horrible. The rest I didn't feel anything and my whole mouth not to mention my nose are completely numb now. I found out I have a fracture though on one tooth and the nerve is exposed..so I'm going to have to get caps put on. He said he could put it on just one..but it would be a little bigger then the other tooth and might not match the color exactly so I decided to just have him put them on both, especially since the other one is chipped anyway. This is gonna cost a pretty penny since my insurance only covers so much and I will be maxed out with the first part of this procedure. Please pray that we somehow can find a way to pay for this. I have a nerve exposed so it's something he said that needs to me done right away. I guess this is what I get for not going to the dentist for so long but I really hate it. Now I know why we are supposed to go every six months and I will never miss an appointment again. I just am deathly afraid of the drills and needles they use, so please keep me in your prayers as I will obviously have to be going through a lot of this come Monday morning and then two weeks after that.

Never Forget..

Click on Share for an important article I think everyone should read.


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911DayofService.org

Tomorrow is September 11th, now also recognized as National Day of Service and Remembrance. I urge everyone to visit this site and find something you can do to remember the victims of this horrible day. "The sites mission is to honor the victims of 9/11 and those who rose to service in response to the attacks by encouraging all Americans and others throughout the world to pledge to voluntarily perform at least one good deed, or another service activity on 9/11 each year. In this way they hope to create a lasting and forward-looking legacy -- annually rekindling the spirit of service, tolerance, and compassion that unified America and the world in the immediate aftermath of the 9/11 attacks."

There are so many things you can do,lighting a candle, giving blood, even just donating a few dollar or sending a text message of 911day to 30644 to show your support. There's a whole list of ideas on this site of things you can do and I hope everyone chooses to do something. We as a Country need to never forget this day. All of us we affected by it somehow or other, but keep the victims families, and those brave men and women who worked so hard to get everyone out of the buildings and worked for months and months to clear out Ground Zero..some of them are now suffering from servere Respiratory Diseases, pray for all of them.


David and I visited New York City last summer. We felt neccessary to visit Ground Zero and pay our respects. I don't think it's something anyone should be scared to see. It's a day that is forever etched in our minds and our hearts, and on the same day, we went to the Statue of Liberty. I've never felt more proud to be an American than I did on this day...seeing what destruction others can try to cause to our Country..then seeing all she stands for and how we will always be united. It was an emotional day, but one I'm so thankful I got to see.

Oh Aunt Flow..how I hate you so..

Soo painful and I feel like it takes over my life. One thing helps a little, Disney movies. Enchanted it is!